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Browsing the internet can prove useful, educational, and entertaining.
Or it can be a stultifying waste of time.
However, ever now and then, one stumbles upon a site so supremely pointless and strange as to inspire awe.
I was directed toward just such a site today.
Subservientchicken.com purports to be somehow sponsored by or related to BK.com, the Burger King corporate site, but who knows if that's really so? It seems somehow unlikely.
Here's what you can expect when visit you Subservientchicken.com: You will see a slightly pixilated streaming image of a man in a chicken suit standing in the middle of what resembles the living area of a budget-priced "suites" motel.
The chicken will endeavor to perform just about any action you request of him. You make your request by typing it into the input window just before the chicken's image.
"Hop three times on one foot," I asked.
He did just, sliding a bit closer to the webcam to make sure I could see that he kept one foot in the air.
"Tell me you love me," I typed in.
He walked over to the maroon couch behind him, picked up one of its cushions, and held it in his arms (wings?), as if embracing someone he deeply care for.
"Wave to me with your left wing," I continued.
He complied -- only he used his right wing.
"Your left wing!" I corrected him.
Another wave, still with the right wing.
There occurs what appears to be a little jump edit in the streaming video before each action, which makes me suspect that all the actions were prerecorded -- that there's someone on the other end controlling which prerecorded clip is displayed, depending upon what's been typed in. Or maybe there's a sophisticated text recognition system that relies on key words to load up the clip that will most nearly fulfill each request.
But the thing is, no matter what I asked of the chicken, I never stumped it. This may say more about my limited imagination, however, than it does about whether or not the chicken is really stands continuously at the ready, waiting to do the bidding of any who logs in to the site.
"Show me your golf swing," I asked.
Done, and done.
"Pick your nose." (I suppose it's actually a beak he'd be picking, when you think about it, but he got the gist of my request and complied, sort of.)
"Scratch your butt." (What can I tell you? I was desperate.)
The first time I made that request, the chicken came very close to the camera and a black bar appeared that covered much of the image. The black bar had text that read something like, ""Chicken is performing action unsuited to younger viewers." That is not a direct quote -- I didn't get a chance to write down exactly what it said. So I waited an hour or so and asked again, pen at the ready, but the chicken this time turned sideways and made a vague sort of swipe at his backside with his right wing (the right wing, again -- I wonder if his left one is ailing?).
If you've read this far, you owe it to yourself to visit the chicken. I can't promise that he's actually there awaiting directives from strangers, but neither could I manage to prove that he isn't.
Now, it's your turn.